sorry GUYZ

                                                         

When something major happen in life ..

and it makes me devastated , sad and so damn pissed ..

everyone ard me get fucked up too

that`s ego huh ?

well im sorry .. if im in this kinda mood i would appreciate if all of you back of and leave me some space

let me get myself relax .. then when i start talking to you den its safe

im sorry . seriously

i juz pull an attitude on mum , dad and darlene

My relationship with remy has become from bad to worse

dats it he`s really ending it so i`ll ju have to bear and stay strong ='(

im sorry darlene im actually pissed off with you coz i realize if wat u were doing yest was juz to start a conversation with him by helping me out which make me happy only for awhile . and when i text him i gt to noe dat wateva i have in mind for him is not gonna turn his decision around ..

so dats why . im sorry darlene .

as for remy he doesnt belive in the word last .

haha i thought it was somekind of fairytale ..

but when he explained it to me somehow something hit me

last meet up and last forever .. he doesnt believe in the word last

which means there is no such thang as the last meet up ( we cn till meet up anytime soon ) and last forever ( that nothing really last )

den i gt myself so confused !

pimples tend to break out whenever im stressed and guess wat ive gt 3 zits waiting to explode i ve nt yet started my revision so i guess thinking bout this also get me so stressed up

now im thinking if remy were to do this to me den hws my o level result ?

haiz ....

i was so sad and gt the right things to cheer myself up that is shopping gosh i `ve gt alot of affordable accessories online .. shopping online so relaxing haha juz dat the worse part is to wait for it to reach singapore took close to 2 weeks ! .. den got my self a nail polish at faceshop they were having sales so i guess its a good deal . the colour are awesome as well .. got the lightest jade green , metallic purple , metallic dark blue , top coat and also the removable solution less than 15 bucks awesome ayy ! so was happy for a moment .. .

WATERFRONT babies and other days that i missed posting .

so today no plan but girls wanna have an ease of a mind at waterfront

i lazy lh wanna describe

bt its been so long since we went out and laugh like hell while taking pictures

laught sampai nk weee weee

haha im literally smiling now gosh .

syg satu satu ni .

=( safiah not here

da pichas will do the rest of da talking ayy

mommy bought for me this salad at swenson ..

da one with shrimp so

jyeah its nice . my meal for today .

went back home ard 11 den go dance wt my abg sdare . till 12 plus bla bla

next day super boring stay home all day and clean up my room

give away all that small clothes accessories and mainly all the things dat im not interested in anymore den got so bored so i began cam-whoring ..

its the first time in like a year dat i actually take these kinda picx ..

jyeah dats about in that 2 days oh wait one more .. we covered a video while at waterfront .. California King Bed by Rihanna .. me , dinah , darlene and durrah (guitar) .. blogger gt prob uploading vids see the vid at dinah prof ayy =)

oh and also this is the left over picx where we wnt to danny house beh no pland to go anywhere then slacked there ..

orang ngah rest pon kacau ni chaos nye keje !

sapiah ? style pe pose haha

kel berfikiran . XD

danny tk cute k gitu serious =,= haha

READ THIS MOM !

i`ve been crying alot these past few days ..

bet my gf cnt see dat thru my eyes dats cause good make up covers it

im so pressurize and it really gt me insane .

 i think wat im goin thru its part of growing up

but at the same time it hurts like hell

you were thinking wat the hell is my problem ??

firstly is the break up which im nt yet over with ..

its been freaking 4 mths ..

im nt ready for o levels GOSH !

i dont care if i have to spend the rest of my life juz with this guy

i dont care not knowing other betta guys out there

i love this guy . i dont care if he is not perfect or that he cnt bring me shopping

i dont freaking care bout his money or wat ppl said bout him

i fucking love him but he ask for so much

no fb no youtube no close guy friend

i will slowly try to grant his wish but somehow in the middle of it mesti ada je gadoh psl benda bodoh

secondly , when mom knows bout him

the things she say hit me . its really painful to know that a guy you love and want to be with for as long as possible makes it very hard to b accepted in ur family

sometimes i think the problems come about is from our own family

i freaking noe dat im the eldest bt no need lh for this

high hopes dat you guys is pressurizing me on 

i will still do you proud if u juz stop holding me tight and stop judging my friends and that special someone !

i know its the best for me bt im sorry i`ve found the ones that really put a smile on my face

i know you guys have given mostly everything to me which i didnt ask for ..

why ?

i juz ask for you to juz le me go a lil

dont worry mom dad i will still do u proud but pls

dont make me lose all of the best people that appeared in life pls mom and dad i beg you .

mom if you were to read this , yes this is wat i want in life ..

i noe where im going .

juz need a lil more freedom =(

Let It rest PLEASE !

you noe sometimes when u tried so hard to make ur significant other happy

and on the other hand to also not lose your guy friends

it gets really tough ..

sometimes i juz want the same guy to attain that kinda attitude like its ok although i dont quite fancy your guy friend u still cn be around them but noe ur limits ok ..

but sadly he`s not like that . he doesnt have dat particular trust on me . he doesnt noe hw to make me feel alright he keeps on making me feel so bad bout even the smallest thang . i noe easy for you to say tk leh tahan lupakan saja .

but he really means the whole world to me for some reason although he change alot in appearance especially i will still be running back to him . sometimes i juz hate that i love you !

i`ve tried so hard to get him closer to my family .. with a dad like that and he`s appearance i juz wonder will it ever work ?

sometimes i also wonder if HE IS ACTUALLY THE RIGHT GUY FOR ME ??

i guess i juz wouldnt give up on him huh .

Dear Remy ,

we have been togetha for almost 3 years now . its so hard to let you go . even if situation and time doesnt allow us to be together we would still try and make it work . am juz exhausted with your slumber attitude but neither am i giving up .. sometimes i am really stubborn cause wateva your doing u didnt actually think bout me while on the other hand i would never stop thinking bout you . i guess obsessed is da word . i would give in every single thing for you but your ignorance is ur strength . i really dont know where we are going to . sometimes the thing we had going , status doesnt really matter , how powerful is that . i tried going on my own way but am too scared i would never find someone like you .. upmostly why oh why do u own an appearance like that if not everything would be perfect . the thing i most hate bout you is you would never give me face when i try cooling things down . seriously after all sacrifices is this wat i deserve ? tears never dried up . wateva you assure me wen i first accepted you as someone special are not with you anymore . i never cheated on you at all why must you take away the trust u once gave initially ? i can be the greatest and different companion dat u had ever had to you if you juz try and not take things so seriously . i really dont mind being with juz one guy for a long period of time .. i juz want the old you back ='( but i guess it wont happen there`s only 2 choices left now . seriously move on or stay and repeat the same things again and again .

thankfully i have a mom who is really understanding though i dont share most stories of my relationship with him . but mom is really supportive and i really appreciate that . i could easily repay her with my studies . though im in this kinda situation i am still going to excel in studies insyaallah . 

Please let this rest , let this settle ..

AGAIN and AGAIN

Day started off so slacky today

as soon as im awake i was on the comp for close to 5 hours !

haha ikr am suppose to be studying but so malas gosh !

im scared bout it but never do anything bout it wth ?

wat a rough day meeting remy today hmm seriously

i dont wanna fight with him but he aint happy that i msg-ed apiz to go karaoke

hw many times must i told him dat i and apiz is juz friends and that i wont cheat on him beside we aint got any status lagi pn but tk boleh salah kn dia lah he`s juz scared dats all

im really having PMS currently so from a small situation it became big but wait he`s really controlling me !

deactivate facebook , tk boleh buat tu ni , youtube sume delete den wat he nk tarik my guy friends plak ? sape tk mengamok . but i still love him . the fact that guys ard me like my dad and remy is so overprotective is driving me crazy come on lh take a chill pill dontcha know im born with a working brain too ? uh hello !

so wateva i did throw tantrums at him and hurt him physically , throwing my handphones ard hah wat a scene i noe haiz ..

den tros dh tkde selera nk minum caramel cookie yg remy beli kan haiz i actually ngah mengidam sey tu haha ! k den dh pissed off went to dinah house where mariam isz and durrah is found tsk .

slack den danny came home gave him a big hug ! my gawd hw much i miss you bud and nw that ure ald attach im happy for you . sayang danny , rindu danny ! lama tk jumpa dia hmm .. we are all bz wt our school work huh .

hope one day we could meet up like we used to =(

so went to grandma house to gt my guitar which i left it there for weeks now

den head home and mommy cooked this delicious western dish basically consists of mash potato , veggies , muchsroom bistro soup and garlic bread which is my meal for today delicious !

did i mention that turquoise is currently the best and my favourite colour !

yes it is im really obesessed wt this colour !

as you cn see from my nails heh

so i go ahead and spoil myself further byoruchasing this earrings and necklace which is part of a tribal design and turquoise colour ! tsk its affordable too hee

oklah thats all for now . im nt turning in yet as i ald did have a nap earlier on and nw i cnt sleep well am juz gonna watch youtube video till my eyes went droopy den .

hmm kesian remy mesti ngah tido skrg besok keje .. sayaaang dia tap dia suka tunjuk perangai cmne eh susah or whut ? hmm

feels like making a cover tomorrow so check it out ayy

SELAMAT MALAM =)

BLESSED !~

HEYYA !

was invited to go clubbing today .

MAYNE dontcha heard i aint a clubber hah and upmostly i`ve gt curfews so sorry

nah uh nt worth asking me =)

juz came back from meeting my girls yes all six of us tday ! rindu nye ngn drg sume hmm

i want go outing wt them lh zoo perhaps juz to gt the bonding going again

we met only for awhile coz each of us gt our own plans yes with their own significant other

so i decided to go hme straight and spend more time wt mom who juz came bck from her trip ..

furthermore im tired from being outside most of the time i need some moments staying home

so here i am blogging

remy ask me to DEACTIVATE my facebook . so sad no status tap kene control haiz . nvm i have to focus on my o level pon ..

so this here is my meal for today seaweed wasabi crisps with cheese and chilli sauce nt forgeting that thousand island taste to it . YUMMY ! =)

and here is da pichas of me and my gfs camwhoring . darlene working so sad and sorry tk dpt wait till ur work is done . seriously , LOVE YOU GIRLS SOOOO MUCH <3

As my mum is home from her kl trip wt bro , she and ma favourite aunt , mama j spoil me with lotsa juicy junkies , apple docking , victoria secret , diva accessories and womans secret . im seriously loving it !

im really blessed to be living in this luxury =)